Why Ethical Porn and Sex Worker Rights Matter

The Bothered Blog by Reed Amber

October 2026

Reed Amber is a sex educator, activist, content creator, and co-host of the award-winning podcast Come Curious. She has spent more than a decade in front of and behind the camera in the adult film industry and her advocacy work focuses on sex workers’, LGBTQ+ and women’s rights. 

This conversation is adapted from an episode of Smut Talks, in which Allison chats with Reed about how she found her way into the adult industry, why embracing her own fetishes helped her move beyond shame, what actually makes pornography ethical, and why sex-worker advocacy is ultimately about respecting sex work as any other profession.

From Porn Obsession to Porn Director

Allison: You’ve had such a multifaceted career. You’ve been an adult content creator, producer, sex worker, kink educator, and podcast host. How did you find your way into this work?

Reed: I was doing really poorly at school, and I was obsessed with porn. I just wanted to be a porn director. I nearly got kicked out of university for doing work experience in the porn industry. 

Porn back then was wild. It’s different now, there’s a lot more consent and boundaries. Not always, because it's still a Wild West, but the way women were treated back then was shocking, it was just so derogative and not in a safe way. 

I’m a big lover of kink and fetish content. I’m really into BDSM and extremes. I absolutely love power play, I love being slapped about in the bedroom, I love rough, I love crazy, extreme roleplay, coercion, you know, all the big scary words, ravishment, fantasy. But what I was seeing in porn wasn’t consensual, and yet it was teaching a wide mass of people who were going to porn for sex education. 

I wanted to change that. I wanted to see porn that was extreme, but also educational as to safety.

The End of the Shame Spiral

Allison: How did you get to a place where you could talk so openly about your sexual interests?

Reed: For years and years, I was deep in that shame hole. But sex has always been a special interest for me. Not just having it and being wild with it, but also learning about it and understanding it.

I think a lot of us feel that shame—especially women who have experienced trauma or sexual assault, which gets developed into a kink or a fetish. It can ruin our lives not feeling like we can be honest about that and accept it. 

We end up thinking that we are the worst person in the world, and you know what? Most of us end up having quite extreme fantasies. Trigger word here, but rape fantasies have always been my thing. It's called CNC, consensual non-consensual role play. 

That's on my dating profile, because it’s what I want, but it took a long time to get comfortable with owning it. And still, there are times I have a little wobble about it, especially if PTSD symptoms come up. But I find that when you're held in that space where you can do your wildest fantasy, and still feel safe afterwards, that can be incredibly healing. I don't want to say it will heal you because there's a very fine line, but it's so empowering for me to own and understand that. 

Kink or Fetish?

Allison: I have never understood the difference between a kink and a fetish. Could you explain it?

Reed: A kink is something that deviates from the norm in sex and intimacy, but you can take it or leave it. It's not something you must have to enjoy sex. But a fetish is fundamental to arousal. And more often than not, a fetish is a non-sexual action, object or body part. So everything can be a kink, but not everything can be a fetish. 

I have a tickle fetish, and I've always had that, ever since I can remember, and I've felt so much shame about it, because the first memories that I have of tickling are, of course, with family members or friends, people you wouldn't want to be sexual with in any way shape or form. 

It's taken me a long time to realize that my fetish isn't my fault. And it’s not anyone’s fault. Some acts are completely harmless, but they end up becoming a fetish and a sexual obsession. And it took me a long time to accept that and be okay with that.

But once I did, it meant I could accept the full version of myself, and no longer hide, right? if you're not fully honest with what turns you on, you can't fully accept yourself.

What Actually Makes Porn Ethical?

Allison: The phrase “ethical porn” gets thrown around. What does it mean to you? What makes porn ethical or not?

Reed: To me it means the whole production is like a family, where we’re all well cared for. There's open communication, anyone can say anything. It means fair pay for everyone. It means having inclusive performers, inclusive crew, and seeing different bodies, seeing different types of sex, seeing queer sex, seeing disabled sex. 

Whenever we've done a porn film, we always meet up with the performers beforehand, making sure they're included in the process of scripting the scene, making sure they feel comfortable enough that when things get too much, or if they need a break, or just if they need some water, they can stop the whole production at any time. 

Agency is so important. If somebody is having a bad day, and they couldn't do the scene, there's no way we're gonna make them. 

I also believe that anyone has a choice to do whatever they want with their bodies. And if it was an ethical set, you could hold space for somebody who was younger. But I know most ethical production houses probably wouldn't entertain anyone under the age of 21. I know on my sets we're not employing anyone under 25. I think most of our people are older than that, late 20s, ideally 30s, 40s, because they get it more, there's less stress. It's really their choice that they want to do this.

What Are We Learning From Porn?

Allison: I read a 2018 study that analyzed the most watched videos on Pornhub. 78% depicted men having orgasms, and only 18% depicted women having orgasms. And even those 18% do not represent the reality of how most women orgasm in real life. It was penetrative sex, and very performative. Can you speak to how porn reinforces misguided patriarchal ideas about sex and bodies? 

Reed: As a woman, you see porn and you think, wait, I'm not coming like that. Maybe I'm not coming at all. Maybe this isn't even pleasurable. Maybe I need to fake it. And that's just so sad, you know? 

I have stopped blaming men now for not understanding my body and not helping me to orgasm in the ways that I thought I was gonna orgasm.

Our pleasure is our responsibility. We need to be taking charge, we need to be knowing exactly what gives us pleasure, what our body enjoys, and that can be down to the very touch. It’s not something that's been shown to you on porn, and it takes time to really sit there and think what feels good, and get out of that shame hole, and actually ask for what you want. 

How Can You Be a More Conscious Porn Consumer?

Allison: If there’s no regulating body and no universal definition of “ethical porn,” what should people look for?

Reed: If you want to be able to masturbate to porn and feel good, I implore you to find good production houses, good companies, performers that are putting out their own content.

Look at how a film looks, what their people look like, how the film feels in your body. Do your research. I always recommend buying direct from ethical companies or direct from the performers themselves. If you see a movie that you like someone in, go and search them, go see if they've got a content-selling website and ask them for more content. Then it's not going through a production house that isn't paying their people properly. 

What Does Sex Work Actually Mean?

Allison: Let’s start simple. What does the term “sex work” refer to?

Reed: Sex work is the umbrella term for anyone that does sexual services in return for money or goods. It's hugely varied. Somebody online could be selling feet pictures or arm pit pictures and that could be sex work. It's whether or not they feel comfortable calling themselves a sex worker, because even the term sex worker still has a lot of weight to it, and there are lots of models and people out there that don't like revealing that they are a sex worker.

I fucking love saying I'm a sex worker. But I'm in a privileged position where I can choose to do sex work or not. Like, there's loads to be said for survival sex work and other sex work around the world. My story is very different. And still, it's taken a long time to be able to get to a place where I only now do sex work that I love and I enjoy. 

How To Be an Advocate  

Allison: What is sex-worker advocacy? Why do we need it? What are we fighting for? 

Reed: Sex worker advocacy can be anything from just correcting someone who is using the term wrong or saying something derogative. My form of sex worker advocacy is being able to talk about it openly, put it online for others to see, show my face, show my pride. Writing to your government asking it to be decriminalized, going to the protests.

And paying sex workers. A lot of us have a problem around handing over money to a sex worker because it feels dirty and it feels wrong. Do you feel the same fucking way about going to a masseuse and paying them? No, it is almost identically the same job. It is somebody else's body, touching your body.

Sex work is work. It’s beyond just sex. It’s companionship, it’s therapy, it’s understanding your clients. It’s also about not treating the clients as dirty, as wrong. Sex work can save lives. It sounds wild, but it saves people from loneliness, depression, suicide.

So it’s about accepting sex work as a job or service, like going to the nail salon or seeing a personal trainer. 

And it’s about normalization. For example, it’s normal to have a one-night stand, and that person you go out with bought you dinner first, and then you go home and fuck and never speak to them again. There is a monetary transaction there—we just don’t want to see it as sex work.

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About the Author

Reed Amber is an established sex educator, content creator and host of the award-winning podcast, Come Curious. With over 10 years of professional experience in the adult industry, behind and in front of the camera, Reeds has hosted talks/workshops, directed ethical porn, built communities and created safe kink event spaces. She fights for educators, sex workers, LBGTQ+ and women's rights, all of which are HUMAN rights.